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Your Four Forgotten Friends

Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

The thing is though that what you learn from your failures will always outweigh the temporary loss or the cost of not getting what you originally wanted over the course of your lifetime.

You hear this all the time - fail forward, there are no mistakes, only lessons. Get back up just one more time than you fall down.  

It is all true.  

But when you are in the thick of it, these can seem like pointless words spoken by people who don’t know shit about you or what you are going through.  You are living in the moment and dealing with the world falling in around you right now..

When you are almost out of ammo, pinned down by snipers, bleeding to death with no sign of the cavalry - the last thing you need is loads of experts telling you to think differently and it will all be alright.

I totally get it.  

I have been there in life and in business.  I have been in life or death situations in Northern Ireland where things seemed out of my control.  I have almost lost the love of my life and the baby she was carrying during childbirth. I have had my fair share of tragedy and unexpected loss through cancer, drug abuse and suicide.  I have been totally ripped of by a business partner where I lost almost everything and I am still paying for that today.

During all of those times I can tell you that I was not thinking clearly and I was focused on the now and not the future.  But I got through it. And so will you.

But the trick here is to remember that in life, and especially in business you are never out of ammo.  You are never pinned down and running out of options. You are never alone. It just may feel like you are.  In business, you will never face a life or death situation no matter how bad things are going for you. Maybe a temporary lifestyle change.

So stop thinking in extremes.  

The truth is that you are a very capable and resourceful person.  You got into business because of that very reason. Not many people do - they prefer the safety of a prison cell and call it a career.  You don’t. You are better than that.

When things go wrong in your life it is hard to deal with.  Some things you never really get over, you just learn to come to terms with them and find your peace.

When things go wrong in business - then it is always fixable.  You will always get through it. There is nothing in business that you can not overcome.  No one gets killed, you don’t lose any limbs.

When the shit comes down, and you are in the thick of what feels like a fire fight - then you need to call on the cavalry that you carry around with you everywhere you go.  You have just forgotten about them. But they are your best friends.

Perspective.  Gratitude. Clarity.  Focus.

These guys will get you through anything.  And save the self inflicted heart attacks!


Perspective always comes first - he will keep you calm and help you see reason.

The questions he asks are…

  • What meaning am I choosing to give to this?  
  • How bad really is this compared to other tragedies I have faced and overcome in my life so far?
  • How does this happening to me serve me?  
  • What is the benefit of this to me and my business?  
  • What lessons have I learned that will serve me in the future?


Gratitude - he is often forgotten in a fire fight.  You have to actively call him up and invite him over.  He will bring you peace and serenity like nothing else.  

He is a very well connected guy, and keeps you in touch with your vision and your purpose.  He reminds you about the people you love, why you love them so much and keeps you centred. He hands out courage and determination like Santa on steroids. He is your reason to do everything you do in your life and will guide you towards making decisions that will serve you the best.

You don’t really know it, but Gratitude is your BFF and will serve you well throughout your life.


Clarity - he just kind of turns up at this point like an unexpected old friend ready to take you out for a beer.  You love Clarity. He asks you stuff like…

  • So - what options have I got that I could do right now to simplify the situation and quickly regain control?
  • What would the consequences of these options be on my business and how could I deal with them?
  • What exactly is the root cause of this situation in the first place - what have i  missed that I need to address?


Focus - Once you are clear, he gives Focus a call.  Focus is a Drill Sergeant. He is a guy many people don’t like because he stops you from doing other shit that you like doing but that doesn’t serve you - like watching TV and eating crap food.

Focus doesn’t give a shit about whether or not you feel like doing it.  He has no time for your bull shit stories and excuses. He doesn’t want a conversation about it - he just wants you to do it.  And to do it right now. And to keep on doing it relentlessly until you get where you need to be.

He is a heartless ruthless taskmaster, with a big whip and huge muscles who won’t give you an inch because he loves you so much he isn’t going to see you let yourself down and get into this mess again.

Focus is all about self discipline.  Spend enough time with him and you get self respect. Composure.  Peace. He will get you results like no other friend you have on earth.


Don’t forget, you are never alone.  You already know the answers and what to do.  You just need to ask yourself better questions.

You can call on your four friends at anytime.  If you listen to them, they will never let you down.


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